My job of a husband and father

I do not look back on prior posts intentionally because i do not want to edit or change that was going on with me at the time.  I dont want to have this blog feel like its is something that is edited, produced, or choreographed.  This blog about more than anything, is about me.  It help me get in touch with what i am feeling.  Maybe one day, when this is over (the baby stuff) i'll do a typical sit-com thing and do a flash back of all of the prior posts and comment about things that i was totally wrong about, or feel differently about now.  who know... heck, i may not even be here when and if we reach that stage.

Two things that are running through my mind right now are... 1) inability to plan things since this female body thing is not like clockwork.  2) this unbelievable excitement of what we are about to go through.  The wonderful marvel of the whole scientific discoveries and the progress of civilization thing.  

I never used to like planning things out.  I liked to go with the flow and live by the seat of my pants.  It was exciting for me.  I always felt that i could start my day doing one thing, and at the end of the day end up in a plce that was exciting and new and fresh.  But, in hind sight, i was an unreliable person who never made commitments, missed appointments, bailed at the last minute, and never really went anywhere.  I liked the possibility of thinking that i could go somewhere, but i never really would.  

WHEN YOU ARE GOING THROUGH FERTILITY YOUR WHOLE SCHEDULE IS OUT THE WINDOW.  Vacations, business trips, business meetings, planning a weekend away.  They all take a back seat to the "Process".  You cant plan winter trips because you are not sure what is going on.  Summer vacations you try and not plan too far in advance because you could have to stay around the dr.'s.  THE WHOLE PROCESS CAN TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE.  BUT, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO.  I have found a sort of middle ground that works for me.  I have had to accept that this is what it is going to take for us to have another child, and there is nothing that i can do about it.  I cant micromanage my way through human body variations.