SO as of right now, we are about 3 weeks away from completing the egg transfer to the GC. Right now i am struggling with the decision of placing one or two eggs into her. My wife and I talk about it and we usually walk away saying that we will talk about it later, but when is later going to actually happen? I wish i was a person who could make a decision based on black and white data, but im not. A lot of my decisions and judgements are done with others in mind. And sometimes pleasing the others is more important than making the decision that i want. Hmmmm. interesting that i write about this when we ar making this decision. Mt wife and I have been on the same page when it comes to it. We want to put in two. So its not like i am holding a resentment, or am afraid to say i only want one...... i guess that its because i am reserving a spot in mind mind to say that i told you so. sorry for what seems like rambling , but i just realized that as i was writing it. I tend to do that a lot. I sometime pretend to take the other persons view because i want to reserve a spot to back out later and say well, it wasn't my idea anyway..... hmmmm. not a therapist, but that doesn't sound good. I need to talk to her about that one.
without a doubt the single largest expense that we have had to date is the emotional toll that this has taken. we met with the GC and her husband a few months back and they were terrific people. They are younger than we are (early 20's, vs. 37 for both of us). we clicked really well when we met at the airport and at the doctors offices. we went out to dinner afterward and sat and talked for close to two hours on topics like , our current families, our upbringing, what we want to do, what we are doing, what's important to us, etc. Afterward i took them back to the airport and they flew home. its been about two months that we have been waiting to get this transfer set up. And, no matter how many times that you try to pretend that it is not a big deal, i still don't know how to react to things with the GC. my wife sends off a funny email asking some routine questions and they don't answer. then randomly a week or so later they send an email about a totally different topic, and never even mention the first email. we don't want to be confrontational and say that "we are hanging onto every second waiting for a response to make sure that you don't want to back out on us" but we cant. I try and tell my wife not to worry, but the truth is, i worry about it. I have already dealt with the "loss" of thinking that i would never have another child. I opened that up again and i am really quite gun shy right now. I dont like taking risks (even though others would tell you that i do) I don't. I am scared right now.
without a doubt the single largest expense that we have had to date is the emotional toll that this has taken. we met with the GC and her husband a few months back and they were terrific people. They are younger than we are (early 20's, vs. 37 for both of us). we clicked really well when we met at the airport and at the doctors offices. we went out to dinner afterward and sat and talked for close to two hours on topics like , our current families, our upbringing, what we want to do, what we are doing, what's important to us, etc. Afterward i took them back to the airport and they flew home. its been about two months that we have been waiting to get this transfer set up. And, no matter how many times that you try to pretend that it is not a big deal, i still don't know how to react to things with the GC. my wife sends off a funny email asking some routine questions and they don't answer. then randomly a week or so later they send an email about a totally different topic, and never even mention the first email. we don't want to be confrontational and say that "we are hanging onto every second waiting for a response to make sure that you don't want to back out on us" but we cant. I try and tell my wife not to worry, but the truth is, i worry about it. I have already dealt with the "loss" of thinking that i would never have another child. I opened that up again and i am really quite gun shy right now. I dont like taking risks (even though others would tell you that i do) I don't. I am scared right now.
No comments:
Post a Comment