It has taken us about 2 1/2 years of fertility treatments for us to get to where we are today. We have had several miscarriages, one after the first trimester (which I'll talk about later). We also had to go through a D&C http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/dandc.html (to prove how much terminology gets thrown at you, until just now i thought that it was pronounced "DNC").
Before we go too far, the money has to be addressed. Once we realized that using a gestational carrier may be an option, I have been looking at the costs for moving ahead. There is the $ expense that is first and foremost, but also the total "costs" of moving ahead. We will go into the non monetary costs at a latter date, as i am sure that those feeling will continue to simmer. My wife and I have two totally different perspectives when it comes to the price tag. When we look through the paperwork and talk to people she see's the costs in the $30,000-$40,000 range. I on the other hand feel that at a minimum this is going to cost $100,000 - $130,000. That is a
RIDICULIOUS amount of money! My average salary and commissions over the past 5 years have been in that range. There were years that I made considerable more, and years that I made on the low end. I felt that is important to put that information forward since it is basically my entire years pay! Oh, by the way, we may have nothing to show for it. At the end of this process, we could spend every dime that we have, make every right decision, have the perfect carrier, and still HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT!
In this blog I will outline the dollars and cents that we spend. Starting with the $495 consultation to our attorney for the set up of our account and to go through the paperwork that we have been filling out. So, right now, I am keeping the total spend at $0 until after this meeting.
In preparation for this meeting, Michele and I have to to write (separately) a one page letter to a perspective gestational carriers describing ourselves. We are to talk about our home situation, what we enjoy to do, and what we do for a living. I have no idea what these people are looking for. I don't want to come off too clinical and cold and turn someone off, nor do I want to look like a idiot and turn someone off that way also. The part that is causing me the most stress is the section that describes the type of relationship that I want withe the gestational carrier. I have written this thing three times already and I am about to start the 4th. The first one was really ho hum I want to be involved, but not too involved, there but not, supportive and stand offish... Not what I was looking for and sounded just plain silly. The second attempt was waaayyyy too forceful. I was trying to come off like I was able to make decisions and could be a rock for the person. The third one I actually asked the opinion of the man sitting next to me while I was getting new tires installed on my car. I slowly turned and looked at him and said "If your wife was going to carry my baby, how would you want........" I didnt get any further when I stopped myself and in an attempt to show this man that I am not a psychopath. This man knows none of my back story and now, I just talked to him about his wife carrying our child.
Before we go too far, the money has to be addressed. Once we realized that using a gestational carrier may be an option, I have been looking at the costs for moving ahead. There is the $ expense that is first and foremost, but also the total "costs" of moving ahead. We will go into the non monetary costs at a latter date, as i am sure that those feeling will continue to simmer. My wife and I have two totally different perspectives when it comes to the price tag. When we look through the paperwork and talk to people she see's the costs in the $30,000-$40,000 range. I on the other hand feel that at a minimum this is going to cost $100,000 - $130,000. That is a
RIDICULIOUS amount of money! My average salary and commissions over the past 5 years have been in that range. There were years that I made considerable more, and years that I made on the low end. I felt that is important to put that information forward since it is basically my entire years pay! Oh, by the way, we may have nothing to show for it. At the end of this process, we could spend every dime that we have, make every right decision, have the perfect carrier, and still HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT!
In this blog I will outline the dollars and cents that we spend. Starting with the $495 consultation to our attorney for the set up of our account and to go through the paperwork that we have been filling out. So, right now, I am keeping the total spend at $0 until after this meeting.
In preparation for this meeting, Michele and I have to to write (separately) a one page letter to a perspective gestational carriers describing ourselves. We are to talk about our home situation, what we enjoy to do, and what we do for a living. I have no idea what these people are looking for. I don't want to come off too clinical and cold and turn someone off, nor do I want to look like a idiot and turn someone off that way also. The part that is causing me the most stress is the section that describes the type of relationship that I want withe the gestational carrier. I have written this thing three times already and I am about to start the 4th. The first one was really ho hum I want to be involved, but not too involved, there but not, supportive and stand offish... Not what I was looking for and sounded just plain silly. The second attempt was waaayyyy too forceful. I was trying to come off like I was able to make decisions and could be a rock for the person. The third one I actually asked the opinion of the man sitting next to me while I was getting new tires installed on my car. I slowly turned and looked at him and said "If your wife was going to carry my baby, how would you want........" I didnt get any further when I stopped myself and in an attempt to show this man that I am not a psychopath. This man knows none of my back story and now, I just talked to him about his wife carrying our child.
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